Cheater wants me back

I like the practical advice that you give and I can’t wait to hear what you have to say about my problem.

Can you believe that I was involved with a man from school days and as soon as I left school I moved to England.

He followed the year after and we were happy for a while as we built a life together. I continued with my studies and later landed a good job and he found a job and as I said that life was good.

Then one day out of the blue my life turned upside down.

I came home early one day from work because I wasn’t feeling well and knowing it was probably a cold I didn’t bother my man to come get me.

Lo and behold I turned the key and there on the couch was the love of my life having sex with his uncle’s stepdaughter.

Now I had heard a rumour months before but I dismissed it as just that because I had seen nothing that would indicate this was the case. So you can imagine my shock — seeing the two of them naked on the couch in the living room?

I could only scream and then he started babbling about it wasn’t what it looked like. He must have thought I was foolish!

I kicked him out and now he is pleading, begging me to let him come home. What should I do?

Cold in England

Since Yuh Asked, CIE, I will begin with a question: What answer do you expect from me? People cheat all the time — even though they don’t get caught as often. You have to ask yourself what you want. Do you believe the man is a chronic cheater and do you get the feeling that this is a one-off thing?

Are you a person who believes that regardless of the circumstances at the time or the relationship that existed before, that any act of cheating should be fatal to the relationship? If that’s you than the answer is: Let him go, never to return.

If, however, you believe that all people, men and women, will make mistakes, and based on a person’s past and how remorseful they are at their act they should be given a chance to do better, then again you know what my answer is: Give love a chance.

In the end, though, the only one who can answer the critical question is you?

One other thing. The person he was having sex with is “family”, which suggest that in the normal course of things you are likely to come into contact with her — what do you intend to do then. I am one who believes that forgiving does more for the forgiver than the forgiven.

You are the one who has to take the lead in the direction your life will go. I wish you all the best.

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