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Good men wanted

Barbadian women are looking for good men to start families, but their search is often unsuccessful because many Bajan men are coming up short, says Anglican priest and psychologist Reverend Dr Marcus Lashley.

Anglican priest and psychologist Reverend Dr Marcus Lashley. 

Anglican priest and psychologist Reverend Dr Marcus Lashley.

Speaking last night as a panelist in an Anglican Men’s Association discussion, he said many women were struggling to find life partners because they were encountering men who are mummy’s boys, have psychological problems, or simply prefer other men, among other issues.

“They are saying this to me openly,” he told an audience of about 15 men and two women in the Barbados Workers Union’s Sir Hugh Springer Auditorium.

Lashley said women complain “either the man . . . is mentally unstable, violent at times, unable to express his emotions appropriately without hitting, they are homosexual, they are struggling with their capacity to manage money, and some other domestic affairs.

“And a lot of the men that [the women] are meeting . . . are so tied to their mothers that they know they will lose the battle, in terms of having a strong man lead their home,” he added.

The complaint about mothers controlling their sons was of particular concern to the counsellor.

“Mothers sometimes find it hard to let go of their male children, and allow them to develop into true men,” he said. “What I am seeing is still a lot of our mothers not being able to truly let go of the male child.”

Lashley said the absence of a male figure in the household compounded the situation.

“We have many of our men incarcerated, and away from home, and then too many who are home are possibly physically present but emotionally absent, [and not] helping young boys moving from childhood. We’ve lost the rites of passage, and if we can regain the capacity to help people move from one developmental stage to another, we’d end up with a much healthier male in adulthood,” he asserted.

Another panelist and fellow priest, Reverend Graveney Bannister, who is also a magistrate, also took issue with the way boys were being raised.

Magistrate/Reverend Graveney Bannister

Magistrate/Reverend Graveney Bannister

“There is a problem we see in today’s society where mothers are molly cuddling boys instead of bringing them up the right way, exposing them, letting them be boys. Then, when they get into trouble you hear ‘it is not my son’, or ‘a bad boy is better than no boy at all’,” he lamented.

“Quite often, mothers are to be blamed for their role in leading boys astray. . . . In some instances, some mothers – not all –, where fathers are absent, tend to prevent fathers from seeing their children.”

Bannister said when parents are separated, and/or a mother is in a new relationship, there is a tendency for mothers to prevent their sons from seeing and spending time with their fathers.

“There are some mothers out there in society who are professional mothers, who just want to have the children and don’t want to have the man around, period,” he charged.

“So we’re raising a set of boys who are not getting that mentorship and that support from the males. There is a need for a few more good men to influence a lot of our youngsters in this society.”

Bannister hastened to add, however, that he was not saying or suggesting that “females cannot bring up boys”.

Focusing more on what he saw as solutions, youth activist and radio talk show host Corey Lane said society must start to “think, plan, and implement where parents, and fathers particularly, feel the consequence for not being good fathers”.

Youth activist and radio talk show host Corey Lane.

Youth activist and radio talk show host Corey Lane.

 “Understand that parenting is a very private activity with a very public outcome,” he said, adding that while there were many good parents there were also some who were “training up criminals in this country”.

34 Responses to Good men wanted

  1. Kay Critchlow
    Kay Critchlow November 18, 2016 at 11:38 am

    A good mother never really let’s go of her child why would she ? Can’t blame mothers it’s the men need to step up .

    Reply
  2. Jeff Weekes
    Jeff Weekes November 18, 2016 at 11:47 am

    I am good man..

    Reply
  3. Jack Ryan
    Jack Ryan November 18, 2016 at 12:07 pm

    Bajan women don’t know good men.they only pretend that they want them

    Reply
    • Julian Marshall
      Julian Marshall November 18, 2016 at 12:40 pm

      So true..they will come across a good man but won’t give him the time of day but will fall for one who treat them like crap.

      Reply
    • Natalia Reid
      Natalia Reid November 18, 2016 at 1:00 pm

      And men do the same thing, so it’s a never ending cycle

      Reply
  4. Ricardo Bascombe
    Ricardo Bascombe November 18, 2016 at 12:08 pm

    Men of today got sence that’s why,bajan men looking for good women to start families also

    Reply
    • Sharon Taylor
      Sharon Taylor November 18, 2016 at 1:07 pm

      U say men got sence? U mean sense? Here ends my lesson!

      Reply
      • harry turnover November 18, 2016 at 7:36 pm

        If you had sense you would have commented on the topic instead of correcting other peoples mistakes…you is a anti man or wha ?
        If you say you are dealing with lessons what is U say and U mean….YOU mean and YOU say…is lessons we dealing wid right ?

        Reply
    • Natalia Reid
      Natalia Reid November 18, 2016 at 1:23 pm

      Let the church say Amen…if the men of today have sence I don’t want any, I’ll wait on one with sense…

      Reply
  5. Jovan
    Jovan 'Joey' Blackman November 18, 2016 at 12:47 pm

    wow… just wow

    Reply
  6. Jennifer November 18, 2016 at 1:53 pm

    All what is said here denotes a godless nature. so blame the church, the justice system, and the school system too. There needs to be boy, history and parenting programs too.

    Reply
  7. Veroniva Boyce
    Veroniva Boyce November 18, 2016 at 1:55 pm

    MONEY MEN or Decent MEN in general. Choose one and put back one.

    Reply
  8. Watchman November 18, 2016 at 2:33 pm

    Men meet the expectations women set for them. What ever women admire is what men aspire to. If a woman said she gets wet for a man that knows the squares to 20, just now there would be mathematicians on de block. If they like a man that know what prison is … well guess what they get.

    Reply
  9. jrsmith November 18, 2016 at 2:40 pm

    Good men wanted to do what , the same thing they always do run away from responsibility… help building baby factories…
    All thats required men being honest and moral man up to the responsibilities.

    Reply
  10. Eton Thompson
    Eton Thompson November 18, 2016 at 3:44 pm

    I was passed over by lots of girls even when I was actively looking for a girlfriend/wife while living in Barbados. The reality is that us good men have married girls from Jamaica (like in my case, my wife is from Jamaica) and other good men have married girls from other islands. The thing is that Barbadian girls tend to want that perfect man. So for them they want someone who is good with their money. Everyone one is in debt, no one is good with money. But we all work hard and are willing to keep being ambitious and keep working hard.

    Reply
  11. Eton Thompson
    Eton Thompson November 18, 2016 at 3:48 pm

    As for the Mama’s boy argument, no good man will simply stand up to their mother and cast her aside in the quest for independence and strength. I myself am a “Mama’s boy”. But I recognize my mother (Selma Thompson in Hillaby St. Andrew) still wants what is best for me. But at the end of the day it is my home, my life, my decision. Barbadian women need to stop looking for that “perfect man”. Which is what they see a good man as being. Girls/women from other islands seem to be more genuine, more willing to socialize and don’t hold the “standards mallet” over your head. When I met my wife I was the most comfortable I have ever felt. And believe me. My standards are higher than most.

    Reply
  12. Alex Alleyne November 18, 2016 at 4:20 pm

    Most women world wide are looking for “MONEY DONKEYS” This is sweeping the “New World”. Gold diggers trying to live the life off the USA TV screen. How many women wind up with men houses and the men in the RUM SHOP drinking down the soup and getting laugh at. There are some very nice women out there but all over 40 years .

    Reply
  13. Alex Alleyne November 18, 2016 at 4:27 pm

    MONEY CAN BUY MY LOVE
    I am FREE.

    Reply
  14. AniRo Burke
    AniRo Burke November 18, 2016 at 4:37 pm

    As asked before, what is the definition of a good man/woman. Anyway you cannot ignore the facts that most men in general are lacking some basic maturity and responsibility attributes; be truthful men, but it still doesn’t mean that if they meet the correct lady she cannot bring it out and visa versa. Next this foolish talk that other island women are more receptive to Barbadian men, come on now, everyone got their reasons for doing things and the same thing you men say about the Barbadian women, other island men saying about theirs, that argument does just sound retarded. Next the women that talking about Bajan men does cheat, does it mean no other nationality does it and don’t even say Bajan men do it more. Some women do sound like idiots when they talk. Stupeseeeeee.

    Reply
  15. Doreen Waithe
    Doreen Waithe November 18, 2016 at 6:42 pm

    So dam true

    Reply
  16. harry turnover November 18, 2016 at 6:46 pm

    Men want good women too.When women find a good man,she does runs rings around he…gi he gripe.
    Most women want men for their money and that is a WORLD WIDE FACT.
    ….and the thing that turns me off is hearing women say ..”.you can’t afford me “….”.you have to give me money so that I could buy things to make me look and SMELL good for you ” if ya want me ya gotta pay for me “…”.I is a expensive woman” and all that NONSENSE.Those are the women that men should keep FAR FROM…
    In a RELATIONSHIP why should a man have to give a woman money….. WHY ?…my body is precious they would tell you as
    though YOURS en precious too.The men paying he girlfriend for SEX and she getting hers free.

    Reply
  17. harry turnover November 18, 2016 at 7:20 pm

    Women who say men cheat more than women fail to realized that when a man cheats,the woman he is cheating with IS ALSO CHEATING for the simple fact that for a man to cheat he has to do it with someone who is NOT HIS OWN and if she is NOT his own that could only mean that he is NOT her own either….so women…NOBODY DOES IT MORE THAN THE OTHER.
    When the woman initiates the cheating it might be more discreet but the instances are equal.

    Reply
  18. Mike November 19, 2016 at 12:17 am

    I have always heard if you kick a dog he will run away from you but if you love him he will run to you. Women deserves the type of men they get. I hardly hear anything good said by and large by women about men. No wonder they are turning to each other. I believe there are good straight men out there and some darn good ones like myself. I have a wife and kids and love them dearly. I made a commitment to God that I want to be the father I never had. I am showing my kids by example what a good man is so that they can be just like or better than their dad. Women, you need good men, stop kicking them and start raising them.

    Reply
  19. Greengiant November 19, 2016 at 3:12 am

    I’m seeing adults who simply can’t set aside personal differences for the benefit of the child’s development. That’s a major problem with both sexes. Again as is written ” people are lovers of themselves “.

    Reply
  20. Alana B November 19, 2016 at 6:56 am

    There are good men in Bi!

    It takes two parents to parent even after divorce and separation. It takes two people who claim to love each other to be faithful and build a strong relationship.

    Barbados is blessed with good men and fathers

    It is the responsibility of mothers and fathers to produce good men.

    Reply
  21. Jennifer November 19, 2016 at 1:26 pm

    Simple: In order to get “good” men and women we need to elevate the black man back to his rightful position which was railroaded by the red man in slavery, watch a slave movie on you tube and see it for yourself. The disease is progressive.

    Since we are a godly nation – for the mothers who hold onto their sons and sons who are mommas boys read gen 2:24. You men have a vital duty to procreate and build a family for the maintaining of our species/nation.

    Women without the father will more than likely raise independent girl and docile boys. There will be more than likely dysfunctional relationships for these children down the road too.

    The black man needs to be put back in his rightful place 1 Cor 11:3. After-all there is a natural order to things. Unless this is done we are in crap and getting deeper.

    Come on men, love you guys , we need you more than ever seeing the up-coming world events.

    Reply
  22. Alana B November 21, 2016 at 11:11 am

    I hate the term ‘mommas boys’. We need to desist from calling Bajan men these names. We women continue to be unkind in our terminologies toward our men.

    The same Bible that is quoted also stated that we must honour and respect them.

    I saw that someone spoke of women of other nationalities being attracted to Bajan men and I can relate to that. If you do not appreciate what you have, there are those who would and see them as precious and treat them in the manner they ought to be treated. They deserve to be loved, honoured and respected.

    Another saying is that “they must step up to the plate”. What plate? Whose plate?

    Men of Barbados, stand firm, stand tall and stand confident. The ‘right’ woman from any nationality and island would see the goodness in you and love you just the way God has created you to be.

    Blessings!

    Reply
  23. Miche November 22, 2016 at 8:31 am

    I want to remind you all, that good is relative,,,compared to what or who,,,the ‘ gOOD’ bajun women?

    Reply

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