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Obama and Tino in form

todays vendorApparently, I miss Barack Obama at de farewell White House Press corps dinner Saturday night. I hear he was in fine form. I gine have to find it pun de Web and watch de speech. They tell me the POTUS was de bomb!

I get a li’l pick fuh De Tribute To De Prime Ministers Of Bubbadus pun Thursday night in Heroes Square. I say De Vendor must be getting old because I live through all seven PMs and Independence Night, 1966. Dat is a thing, nuh? It is 50 years later, but by de grace of de Almighty we still here.

And I hear it was pun CBC TV live. De truth is I did hoping to hear de voice of J.M.G.M. Tom Adams, but I see a lot of him but not de voice. Dem coulda ask de MC Vic Fernandes to do an impersonation of Tom fuh de crowd!

It was nice to see all PMs represented, including by Mrs Adams and she eldest son Douglas. I remember he as a teenager wukking in de CBC newsroom in de early eighties! Li’l controversy get stir by Stella Lady St John who feel dat either portraits of all former PMs should be unveiled or none at all. De counter is dat de others gine get unveil in time. We will see.

Last week too had some real explosions. Tino Best apparently in he book (I waiting fuh my autographed copy) say dat he was a “man whore” –– he words; not mine –– and dat he reckon he sleep wid between 500 and 650 women!

When I hear de numbers, I thought dat was de number of wickets he tek in he career; but apparently de slips, fine legs and maidens he bowled at and took had nothing to do with cricket and nothing to do with bat and balls!

Some would say it tek plenty balls to come out and say something like dat ’bout yuself. Dese was different strokes!

Many a fella does dream dat he could be de ultimate ladies’ man. If yuh still feel dat way, Tino could show you how it was done.

Tino say he was never afraid to go up to a woman. He would even tackle Queen B if she was single (de betting is she gine be soon), but dat he don’t mess wid
married ladies!

A fella say dat he woulda prefer Tino to have more success on de field and less in de bedroom. Tino might have prepared a sticky wicket on which to bat! There is no doubt about Tino’s speed as a fast bowler; it like he was fairly speedy in de bedroom as well.

I like Tino a lot, he is de kind of fella dat real jovial off de field, does put everything into he cricket and he would lime wid anybody, though I got some lingering questions pun de off-field exploits!

Exactly how did he keep records of de many women he slept wid? Did he use an iPad, iPhone, or did he keep a little secret book? And how did he remember de names? Surely, all could not have been one nighters. Yuh know, some had to be T20 matches! Some must have lasted a li’l longer; maybe a few five-day tests in between also!

I hope de book gine be bestseller fuh de best looking bald head fella in world cricket. As he say, he did hold a tabanka and had gone into sex fuh pleasure only, but had long left dat life behind him.

Tino, De Vendor know dat yuh coming to de end of the cricket career; so I got a new game plan fuh you. Besides writing books, yuh could do some coaching and help out fellas like Chris (Gayle), so that in future when he making a pass at a lady, he don’t do it pun national TV live and, secondly, he don’t end up saying when he get turn down: “Don’t blush, Baby!”

I Market Vendor gone fuh now. You have a blessed and a wonderful day, yuh hear?

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