The lighter side of life

todays vendorYuh have to love Bajan native intelligence. Example: while I love listening to de moderators pun Brass Tacks, it does get li’l tiresome to hear de same eight “experts” daily holding forth pun every topic under de sun –– solutions to every problem dat got Government confused; but, every now and then, a little gem does emerge.

An old lady last week, explaining her concerns about water rates and what she considered unfair pricing, tell Peter Wickham dat while Bubbadus had abolished de one cent coin (because it was costing more to produce than it was worth), it looked like we had also abolished common cents [sense]. It was like a Mike Tyson uppercut –– short brutal and deadly.

De ole girl was new to de programme, but she was on point.

During a survey on sexual behaviour, a lady was asked if she talked to she husband during sex. De reply was yes, if there is a phone nearby! And speaking of sex, de greatest show on earth [has climaxed] –– thankfully not pun de phone –– Trinidad and Tobago Carnival.

Mankind will never see as many beautiful examples of God’s handiwork as he will see at Carnival; in every texture and shade as at Trinidad Carnival.

Years ago, two friends and De Vendor went to Carnival, and at one of de big fetes de boys dressed up in costume –– Three Musketeers. We at Country Club at a massive fete, and a lady wining pun de boys. And when she reach Aubrey Choy, she say: “And who allyuh playing mas as?”

Without missing a beat, Bree replied: “We is de Three Musketeers. Yuh want to see my musket? It will bring tears to yuh eyes!”

“Oh gorm,” say de Trini chick, “not me and allyuh!”

Dat was a great one-liner, Bree!

Another friend of mine who fuh obvious reasons gine remain nameless, and who is known fuh quick repartee, got floored one night wid a one-liner from de new girlfriend at a party.

De conversation got around to de ladies, and one Indian lady was explaining to de other ladies the things she does do and consider normal in she culture. How she prepare meals fuh de husband; get his plate filled at parties, and so on.

My friend, turning to de new girlfriend, enquired: “By de way, you got any Indian in you?”

De reply was devastating. Smiling wryly, she delivered two words: “Not lately!”

Dese days, I try to look more and more fuh de humour in life; otherwise yuh gine be getting vex daily!

Fuh years I use to play De Who rock band pun radio, wid singer Roger Daltrey and guitarist Pete Townsend. Dese fellas sell over 100 million records worldwide, but I never knew dat dem was also influential in world health until last week.

As I was listening to de regional roundup newscast on VOB, I heard de newscaster, one Miss Romanie, repeatedly quoting de director general of The WHO. De DG of the WHO said this, and de DG of The WHO said that about de Zika virus. It tek me some time to figure out dat she was really talking bout the WHO –– World Health Organization, and not De Who band!

Cud dear, yuh mean she don’t know de difference between a rock band and de World Health Organization?

And some of de best comedy is in de coverage of de United States presidential primaries, and more to come. Two things I coming around to, and I hope I wrong pun at least one of them. Donald Trump as de GOP candidate and Hillary Clinton coming up short again.

I am no fan of either; but in de last few days, Hillary been increasing de decibels and she beginning to sound like a nagging wife, hitting some screechy notes dat not pleasant to de ears.

Yuh might be getting desperate, Hillary, but dat strategy not wukking fuh you. Start back talking to de people and yuh might find a connection!

Finally, I see a friend wid six stitches over the forehead dis week. He explain dat he went to dis adult club and a rather “thick” lady was dancing on the table where he was sitting.
“Nice legs,” he said.

De lady giggled and said: “You really think so?”

“Yeah,” he replied, “most tables would have collapsed by now!”

I Market Vendor gone fuh now. You have a blessed and a wonderful day, yuh hear?

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