Letter to the Benghazi Committee
Dear members of the Benghazi Committee,
Thanks fuh spending de day wid me last Thursday gone. Fuh a while I thought we might have been spending de night together as well. Thankfully, after 11 hours, even wunnah start to feel li’l tired.
I know dat wunnah was expecting to trap me. In de words of Congressman Cummings, wunnah was looking fuh a
“I gotcha moment”, which as you know didn’t come, unless wunnah only watching reviews from Fox News, whichin is not really news.
One thing I learn from Bill many years ago is dat yuh must prepare, and since it was clear dat de Republican members of your committee had been sharpening knives fuh my neck, I mek sure dat I followed de old maxin: “Proper prior preparation prevents p..s-poor performance!”
Television can be a cruel medium. Appearing angry is not a good thing. Being cool under pressure can be a positive. So that as so many of wunnah appeared to be angry and hostile, impolite, rude, cutting across as I was speaking, dem things was never going to work in wunnah favour. My job was to remain cool and calm!
Another point to ponder pun. Looking like yuh face just get rub down wid lard oil before de cameras is never a good thing. If Merville Lynch was directing, he woulda send in de make-up artistes to powder wunnah oily, greasy looking faces, dat only mek wunnah look more unfriendly.
Please take note, chairman Trey Gowdy; you did look like you ready fuh de baking pan!
So today, I want to give a big shout-out and say a big thank you to de chairman. I know dat dis hearing and dese investigations got nothing to do wid Benghazi and de four Americans who died serving country. It really was set up
to bring me down. By now you realize you lifted me up.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to show de American people dat I could handle pressure; dat I could deal with insults, disrespect, badgering, rudeness and other behavour unbecoming of you.
Congresswoman Susan Brooks, take note. If yuh ask a question, have enough manners to let me answer before interrupting me repeatedly. This is not CNN’s Crossfire. You should listen carefully to Congressman Lynn Westmoreland.
I know he is dangerous. He come across as friendly, almost apologetic; but I knew he would be deadly.
Thank you also for giving me a platform on national TV to show who is boss and to answer and debunk so much of what wunnah have been saying. Thank you for giving me on
a platter a chance to have the national stage to myself, as you, like prosecutors, went fuh my jugular!
A big thank you to the Democratic members. Dem was counterpunching like Muhammed Ali, floating like butterflies and stinging like bees –– none better than ranking congressman Elijah Cummings. He was passionate, articulate and devastating!
Thanks to all of wunnah for giving me a chance to soar in the polls and to enhance my position. I know dat wunnah had other intentions; but, as you now know, I too was waiting fuh did moment, knowing it would be a watershed if I perform well.
So far, de pundits agree my performance was, in de words of Andrew Bynoe, “proper”!
Thanks for a great week; invite me back again, should I start to slump in de polls. In shaking wunnah hands at de end, it was my way of saying thank you very much!
I Market Vendor gone fuh now. You have a blessed and a wonderful day, yuh hear?