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Don’t send me bloody crap!



Mankind does amaze me. Let li’l rain fall on a Tuesday morning after wukking up and twerking pun Kadooment Day, phone ring at work, at one end de boss, at de other a voice sounding like it going into cardiac arrest in ICU.

“Boss, [cough, sputter, cough, sputter] I like I come down wid something and I can’t come to work today nor tomorrow, and if I go to de doctor, [repeat cough, sputter] he gine give me two weeks’ sick leave. Sorry, yuh hear!”

Again, rain fall, barely an English drizzle, urgent phone call to de office.

“Tell de boss de rain pissing down by me; I can’t come to work till after lunch!”

Or: “My house flooded out. I not coming in today; I gine to Urban Development Corp to see wha dem gine do fuh me!”

But let an accident occur at 1 a.m., ten miles down de road, man and womankind outa bed in a flash, cellphone in hand, boo boo in eyes; and before police, Fire Service wid Jaws Of Life or ambulance pun de scene, Bajans done record de blood and mayhem, and posted it pun social media! You turn on Facebook and see bodies scatter all over de place. Sometimes before de dead people next of kin get notified by police, de family seeing de gruesome fatalities pun FB!

And even when we happen to be pun de scene when de accident occur, de first thought is not to help de people in de accident but to record and post pun social media, and then see if we could call de ambulance, Fire and police!

We got dis love affair wid blood and mayhem. We does run from a little drizzle, cough and sputter if we get wet, but run to fires! We gine to de beach and rain come down and plans cancel! Hello? don’t we go to de beach to get wet in de water?

And there is nothing dat does turn on a Bajan more than a house on fire; not even percolation it seems! We does go to a beach house and one of de first things we does do is start to collect wood fuh a bonfire! Bonfire? In de tropics? Yes, we love fire!

And don’t talk bout burning tree trimmings! De brutes does wait till it dark and light up, usually in an empty 50-gallon drum and watch wid delight as the smoke kill de mosquitoes and suffocate nearby residents and send asthmatics to de Emergency room!

De sociologists gine have to explain dat one to me: why we got this passion fuh de macabre but cannot deal wid nature’s little inconveniences!

But you see me Market Vendor, I was a late convert to FB. True, I hook back up wid people I didn’t hear from fuh years; some I thought was dead. I don’t ever refuse anybody who ask to be a friend pun FB; fuh a simple reason. If somebody want to befriend me, why should I say no?

But dis crap wid people sending me pictures of body parts scattered all over de road, and now de latest wid a picture of the US journalist who get beheaded, beginning to get me offset. So I tekking action immediately!

If I did want to see beheadings or see blood every day, I woulda become a butcher and work in de meat market. Anybody who know me know I can’t watch movies with blood and mayhem, nor vampires. To send me dat crap pun FB is not what I expect from a “friend”. So I serving notice, with immediate effect, I gine automatically “unfriend” (yuh got to love social media vocabulary) anybody who send me dat crap!

Last night I did my first “unfriending” and I plan to purge my contacts of people who send me dat garbage. If you want to be friends, then cease and desist, or I will delist! Simple!

I Market Vendor gone fuh now. You have a blessed and a wonderful day, yuh hear?


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