Carita Dee had issues going on in her life.
She had so many deep-seated “real behind- the-heart issues”, that no one could help her get rid of them.
They started when she strayed from the church as a way of life, because of disillusionment with the brothers and sisters, and her not getting what she needed there.
“It is one thing to go to church every day and hear a sermon; but if it isn’t relevant to your lifestyle, then it means nothing, and you haven’t come any closer to Jesus,” she said in an interview with Barbados TODAY.
Migrating to the United States in her 20s, she turned to the world to fulfil that “need”. What she found there didn’t leave a nice taste in the mouth. After being involved in multiple relationships, having an abortion, fornicating, getting a divorce –– just making bad decision after bad decision, which some people might consider to be okay, she arrived at a certain point in her life where she lifted her hands and declared: “God, I am so sick and tired of living like this.”
It was then she decided that she must return to her walk with the Almighty.
Today, she can attest to the fact that she does take “a closer walk” with Him –– a testimony she shared with Barbados TODAY recently at the Collymore Rock CITA (Christ Is The Answer) Radio where she is the host of the popular weekly Girlfriend, Get A Life show.
She is also the dynamic speaker who has hosted seminars with up to 5,000 women, helping them to get back on track and walk out their God-given destinies. She has a heart- warming, bold approach to taboo topics and has drawn millions of women looking for answers to their hidden issues. Her candid discussions are transparent as she reveals intimate details of her life-long experiences.
That turning point in Carita’s life came around the age of 36, while she was living in upstate New York. She recalls that she had just finished a relationship with a professional football player and was sitting on her steps at home, questioning herself: “How many more times are you going to live like this?
“How many more times are you going to go through a broken heart? How long is it going to take you to get it that this method right here is not working?
“I was just sitting there so broken-hearted, crying my eyes out to God and asking, ‘Lord why me?’ And then I heard God in my heart speaking and saying, ‘why not try me?’ I didn’t quite understand it at the time, but I said, ‘You know what? I am going to try something different’.”
With the help of a girlfriend who was already a Christian, Carita decided to try taking her walk with God again –– to get her life rolling in the direction for better.
“Slowly but surely I started doing some things differently. I had a passion for flying back then. So I went out and got me a job at the airlines, because wanted to fly. And as my relationship with God grew, I realized that God was placing this thing in my heart and I started writing again. It was good for me because layers and layers of bad decisions would cause layers and layers of scars,” she said frankly.
To share with many women what had caused her scars and the decisions she had taken to heal them, she authored the motivational CD Girlfriend, Get A Life and the books Get Out The Box & Get A Life, The Way To A Man’s Heart and Life-Changing Prayers. She is currently writing another.
Heading to her 40s, a job situation took Carita from New York to North Carolina where her passion for God started to flourish. She joined a church, completely giving her life to God. Sometime after, God shifted her to South Carolina where she learnt how to teach God’s word. It was a also the beginning to her Girlfriend, Get A Life Ministry.
While there, she continued the journey of dealing with her issues.
“After you had an abortion, nobody can come in and say, ‘Here you go, let me fix it’. That’s a deep-seated, real behind- the-heart issue that you don’t talk to even your mother about. But when God is dealing with you, he deals with what he considers to be the most important first.
“My first issue that God dealt with was my sleeping with men. And it wasn’t like I was sleeping around with three and four men. I had a boyfriend that I slept with, that I had a relationship with, and then after a while you break up, and then I had another boyfriend,” she divulged.
: “I said, ‘God, what is up with this? I thought I was a good person; I thought I treated this man right; I thought I gave him everything that I had to give. Why isn’t it working for me? Why is it that it seemed like everybody else’s relationship was working or culminating in marriage . . . . Why is it that I am the one with the tears rolling down my eyes? Why is it that after I had had sex with him that I am still not going to feel fulfilled’?”
Spiritual healing was not all Carita had to go through. In February, 2012, while still in the United States, she got into a severe accident where she was hit by a drunk driver and almost lost her life. She received broken ribs and a shattered pelvis, among other injuries. During her recuperation, it was evident that God continued to work in her life, as she saw miracle after miracle. Her body healed a lot faster than her doctors expected it to.
“I didn’t undergo surgery and my body healed on its own, which was miraculous as well. But also, during that time, it gave me downtime with God. When you are lying on your back, you don’t have anything else to do but hear God. It allowed me to hear God say to me, ‘It is time to go back’.”
According to Carita, that “time to go back” meant that after spending 26 years in the United States, it was time for her to return to Barbados. She recalled that she struggled with that decision for a long time and prayed that she would receive a sign showing her that this is what she should do.
Shaking her head in amazement, she recalled: “I was down on my knees praying and all of a sudden when I got up the phone rang and it was my cousin from Barbados, and she said, ‘Why don’t you come home?’ And something on the inside of me said this is it. I started making preparations to come home.”
The radio host, who has been with CITA from December 2012, believes that God led her back home so she would help many women through her ministry.
Every day when she reads an email from a sad woman who is disgusted because of a bad relationship, heart-broken because of an abortion, or who is struggling with a weight issue, she sees herself.
“When I came back to God and I started this show, I determined in my heart, ‘God, if there is one thing that I could do in my life to make You happy, it would be to lay my life down’. I want to be the one that God would use to lay all of my inhibitions down and tell people about the real me.
“I tell people about what I have gone through; tell people about the abortion and how it felt; what it felt like walking into the room, how scared I was, the tears that came down my eyes after. I tell people the real experiences so that people would say, women particularly, that somebody is talking about these things,” said Carita.
“So for me, as I see women dealing with these issues, it really hurts me. There are some nights that I go home after listening to them on the show and I say to myself, ‘My God, how long is it going to be before women get free of these issues?’,” she added.
As the Carita prepares to celebrate her 52nd birthday at the end of this month, she is proud to say that she is at a point of her life where she is more settled but still wants to do so much more. She has a burning desire to do so much more with women because “every day that goes by, more and more women have more and more issues”.
“I am at a point where I have such a burning desire to see change in women’s lives where they can come back and say,
‘I tried that, I did that”. When a woman comes back and says, ‘Carita, I dumped that man. He ain’t no good and I did just like you said because I know God doesn’t like it when I sleep with him before marriage and I knew for the last ten years that he wasn’t going to marry me’.
“. . .And she says, ‘That is it, he out and I feel good’. I say to myself, that is good.
“I am not an advocate for breaking up relationships. I am an advocate for women getting healed so that they can have good relationships. You don’t want a destructive relationship for 50 years. Who fantasizes about something like that? Who says that I want to get up every morning and be with somebody who is beating me?”
She also indicated that unfortunately, in the Caribbean, a male-dominated society, even though there is a vast majority of women, women don’t rise to the heights that they should.
“In spite of the fact that they are college educated and school educated, they are empowered, travelling and have jobs, at the same time, most women today that I speak to –– and I get 300 emails a day –– are still struggling in areas of their lives that they can’t seem to break free of.”
And while Carita is working on helping women to fix their lives, she is now much happier in one aspect of hers. After years of being single, she recently got married to a long- standing friend, who she says shares and supports her vision. Each night when she is on the radio, he is sitting next to her as her technical assistant and co-host.