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Keeping the flame burning

Many couples in today’s world struggle to keep a balance on the see-saw of family and work life, and personal time spent with each other.

It’s unfortunate that the demands of life don’t allow for personal time. That’s why we have to FIND time! Making that special effort to keep the flame that was sparked when you first met is an integral component that can make the difference between just ‘being together’ and ‘creating together’. I know that after being in at work the entire day, helping the children with homework or the pickups and drop-offs of after school activities, then adding the other home duties on top of that tends to make you tired; which creates the illusion that you have no more time and/or energy for anything else. But I guarantee that making time for meaningful intimate moments can actually invigorate your energy levels and can go a long way in any relationship.

So, here are 10 things (some best done after the children have gone to bed) that couples can do to keep the love flame burning brightly:

1. Massage each other ~ Now, don’t go thinking that you have to be a professional masseuse to give your partner a good massage. If you don’t have massage oil, make your own! Instead of throwing away the orange skins, save them and let them soak in a cup of olive oil to create a sensual, pleasant, homemade massage oil. Or you can purchase a bottle of essential oil of your choice (lavender, rose, jasmine, peppermint etc.) and add a few drops to olive oil. After your shower which prepares you for bed, just lay naked and take turns massaging each other’s shoulders, neck, back, arms and feet (which are mainly the ‘trouble spots’) before drifting off to sleep. This can be done in total silence or with gentle conversations to release the stress of the day and help prepare you for the next day.

2.Meditate together ~ This can simply be done by holding hands while facing each other in a sitting position. Another good and effective position is lying on your stomach and your partner lies, stomach down, on top of your back. To meditate, you can simply remain silent, synchronize your breaths (or alternate your breathing by breathing in as your partner breathes out). During the meditation you can allow you minds to go quiet or you can visualize the life you desire to create together or you can purely enjoy the fragrance, warmth of each other’s bodies, and the beautiful exchange of energies between you two.

3. Have a babysitter ~ In these harsh economic times, I know it’s difficult to not only find the extra money to have a night out, but then having also to pay for a babysitter adds a distasteful ingredient to the pot which may discourage the thought of going out. Finding a sitter occasionally (every 3-4 months, at least) so you and your partner can enjoy each other’s company away from home, helps to spice up any relationship.

4.Walking together ~ Also a good form of exercise, but the real purpose is to create more opportunities to be together. Instead of driving, walk together to and from lunch, spend your lunch hour on the Boardwalk or walking along the beach or in a quiet park. Walk holding hands and keep the connection between you two.

5.Take showers together ~ Yes, this can lead to other things, so just go with the flow. This is best enjoyed once both partners have the same water temperature tolerance. Lather each other’s body sponges and take the time to scrub each other with care and love. Now, this is not to be done as if you’re bathing one of your children, but with a slow hand and easy touch 😉

6.Cuddling ~ This can simply be done while watching a movie together or listening to music, while sleeping, or talking over the day’s events or projections for the day ahead or for a set goal in the future. Cuddling allows you to feel your partner’s body movements, breath, touch and natural current that can be indicators of moments of tension and ease. Tuning into these subtleties can help you understand each other better.

7.Choosing her/his outfit ~ Choosing each other’s outfit can offer guidance your partner’s preferences. If he/she isn’t game, then, let him/her choose for you. Take it a step further by even dressing each other. You know, like the finishing touches – tie, belt, scarf – all done in a playful and loving manner.

8. Role playing in the bedroom ~ This can be a bit sensitive and cause some apprehension because you are opening more to your partner by expressing your fantasies. Fear of rejection is possibly at the forefront of your mind – suppose your partner doesn’t agree or even worst, thinks that you’re a freak for sharing a fantasy? Well, role playing can actually fulfill your fantasies and alleviate your fears. Jazz it up with costumes (homemade to reduce expenses) and other preferred paraphernalia.

9.Cooking together ~ After the children have gone to bed, prepare a meal just for two. Take turns preparing each other’s favourite dishes. Then either by candle light or sharing the same plate/bowl, take pleasure in feeding each other and letting your feast of love digest in a blissful atmosphere.

10.Stolen moments ~ Those ‘quick moments of pleasure’ pump adrenaline and other endorphins into your bodies which help to reduce stress, alleviate pain and keep us smiling for the rest of the day or night.

You may not be able to do all of the above – heck, you don’t even have to try all! Just make a conscious effort to implement the one(s) into your life that work for you both. Try each one to see which suit you best. Create your own moments. Just always remember to spend some time keeping the flame alight. Keep in mind, two other very important factors which are common throughout all the points and in any relationship – effective, open communication and laughter.

Let me know how it goes by dropping me a line at To find out more about living sensually, please visit

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