Walk in their shoes

I’m wishing you and the team at Barbados Today a happy new year, one filled with success, good health and joy.

I write to respond to some people who I can only call critics who shared their opinions to last week’s letter after it was shared on Facebook by Peter Boyce.

I know that this is still a free country and people can say what they want to but to see that someone questioned the veracity of the writer’s plight was mind boggling!

You never know what a person is experiencing until you walk in his shoes; you don’t know if the shoes are pinching until you put them on.

I said that to say I have a few good friends who are in similar situations and no matter how many times I try to get them to leave their husbands they don’t and won’t.

They’ve become so accustomed to their “affluent lifestyles” that they can’t see what they’re experiencing as abuse.

No matter how many times I tell them they shouldn’t live that way they say they don’t know how to go back being nobody and some of them came from middle class homes with loving parents, and others from what other might consider the ghetto.

It’s strange because it says to me they’re not happy with themselvesm preferring instead to be Mrs. “it”.

Women shouldn’t be that dependent on men any way. Nevertheless, they continue to go on vacations overseas and indulge in “retail therapy” to feel better but it doesn’t bring home their husbands at night.

Interestingly enough, when they were first married and spoke to their mothers-in-law about their sons’ way, they were advised to find “something” to do, get a job, “make lots of babies” but never once should they confront their husbands about it.

“Men are made up this way”, they were told and to speak up would mean they would be divorced with nothing. That’s the solace those women gave so my friends, who loved the status settled for being second. They cried a lot and then consoled themselves.

It is a sad and unfortunate situation for any human being to be in, but they made their beds and go to sleep at night comfortably after praying their cheating husbands would find their way home safely.


Since Yuh asked, let me say that I agree with you 100 per cent — you can never know how a man or women really feels until you have worn their shoes. It is so easy from the outside to tell someone “Just walk!” but after years of comfort and fear walking away can be quite difficult. This is especially so when the future is uncertain.

The role of a true friend in such cases is to provide support and to constantly assure them that if and when they do make the move you will be there for them. True friends may get frustrated, but never enough to walk away from that person who is in need.

So just let those who will talk do so.

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