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A blue Christmas

I want to you wish you and the staff at Barbados Today a blessed season and all the best in the new year.

This Christmas is going to be a tough one for me and my two kids; we might not have a lot to eat and I certainly won’t be able to afford to buy any gifts or ham or even a pack of biscuits or toilet paper.

Things are that bad.

Looking at me you can’t tell that some days we have nothing to eat. Our house is nice, our clothes are not tattered, and the car which some days stays in the garage because it is easier to take the bus, is also nice. The car stays parked simply because after I buy food to give the kids so they have lunch to take to school, I have no money.

I’m not writing you because I want pity but to let my husband who left us to fend for ourselves know that those hurtful things he said about me are not true. If they were I wouldn’t be letting my children suffer like this. I don’t know where the rumour started but he believed people when they said I was involved with a well-to-do man.

I’ve always been faithful and respected our wedding vows and never once cheated.

As I write this tears are falling because it was he who said I should stay home and be a mother and a wife so I didn’t get a job.

He has a very good job and makes lots of money although he gambles away some of it. He gave me “enough”, some of which I saved and used to sustain us up to this point. But those funds have dried up and I’m down to my last $100 and I don’t know how I’m going to get through the rest of the year.

Now I don’t know at which point I cheated because for seven years my life was routine – school, supermarket, PTA meetings, school events, laundry, church. Never had many friends so it was easy to be by myself.

To make my story short, he left us without even thinking about his children. I was told he’s living with another woman who has children and he’s supporting them while we suffer.

He has not filed for divorce and I don’t have the money to do so. I just want out of this.

He never beat me with his fists but his tongue was vicious and he made sure the children heard so they would think I’m a horrible person. When that didn’t work he started treating them badly.

So one day I came home after picking them up from school and there was a note saying he was gone. He also said he had paid the bills for the next month, left $600 and when it ran out “don’t call me”. He changed his cell number and told the people where he works that I’m crazy and not to put through my calls. I found this out after repeated calls to his secretary I pleaded with her to tell me.

What kind of man does this to his wife and children whom he always said he adored?

I can’t bear to hear them cry because they have nothing to eat. I’m an only child and my parents, who also had no siblings, died a couple years ago.

I really have no where to go or anyone to turn to. I’ve tried the social agencies but no assistance and with people being laid off, it has been tough getting a job. I’ve applied several places, called people I grew up with and nothing. I even called his parents but they want nothing to do with us and said they’re not sure their grandchildren are their son’s “offspring” because I am “a loose woman”. I couldn’t believe my ears!

I don’t want my children to suffer but I can’t go on like this and I have contemplated putting them in a home until I can do better. I need food – we know how to make do with very little. If the electricity gets cut off we will use lamps or candles. I always keep water so we will be good where that is concerned.

I’ve always been a praying woman and when I go to church I ask God to keep us safe and He has.

My dear husband, I hope you realise what you have done to your children! I won’t wish bad for you but I hope that you can see how wrong you have done! I feel helpless what should I do for my children’s sake? — Wondering Mother

Since Yuh Asked, WM, I must say that your story has moved me to tears. I shouldn’t be, but every now and then I am still amazed at how cold the heart of man can be. Stay strong – or as strong and you can be under the circumstances.

I suggest that you have a word with your pastor, because I believe at this time of year the church, through its members must be able to offer some support.

You did not supply contact information, so I suggest you also write back with your contact info and I will see how I can get some people and organisations I know to assist you and the children.

As far as your husbands is concerned, leave him to his own devices. I honestly do believe in the old saying – what goes around comes around. He will get his due without you wishing bad for him.

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