Turning down the boss

I slept with my boss and now I feel awful.

It started out innocently with him asking me to work late on a project with him and ended with us having this tryst after midnight in his office.

Before you judge me, there was no flirting between us before the incident. I’m a hard worker and I pride myself on always doing a good job.

Just out of the blue we jumped on each other, but get this, he’s not the lover he thinks he is.

Now he seems to think we have a relationship from this single encounter. He is a nice person, he cares about his staff and people generally and he’s working really hard in this rough economic climate to make sure everyone remains employed.

I’ve told myself that maybe he was just eager, but a voice in my head says ‘no he’s always that bad’.

I’m not involved with anyone else and neither is he but I’m not sure I want this “relationship” to go any further and certainly not the sexual part. He was just plain awful.

My mother always said that you don’t choose your mate – that person chooses you, but I would rather him choose someone else to have sex with.

He’s not a spiteful person who would fire me if I turned him down again. He’s invited me to lunch and dinner to “discuss” what happened between us but I haven’t answered yet.

And no, I didn’t have sex with him to advance my career. I believe that people are generally the same no matter their station in life, so I didn’t score one for the lowly worker. I’m not looking to get married and run things, I’m just happy to make a contribution so the business grows.

What should I do?

– C.W

Since Yuh Asked, CW, be careful you are not attaching more to this sex than he is. Yes, while he may have been awful to you, maybe you might have been great to him and he is therefore keen on a second try, but he may be interested in nothing more and may in fact be quite capable of dropping you with as much haste and you have apparently dropped him.

Also, be careful that you are not inflating your own abilities while down-playing his. You may be surprised that sex in “normal” places – that is, other than an office chair or desk when someone might walk in – turns out to be beautiful experiences.

Then again, not going further with him might be the best thing for him because you do seem a tad bit selfish, self centred and conceited – perhaps more than a tad bit.

Above all else though, be adult about what occurred and have a conversation with the man. The sex was a mutual thing between you two so the adult thing if you don’t want to go further is to sit with him and tell him so.

Here’s my final word: It is amazing that for decades men have been portrayed as dogs who want hit-and-run sex, but here you are espousing the virtues of such a practice. I wonder what readers would be saying if this letter had been from a man.

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