Taken for granted
I have a problem and I’m so embarrassed that I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get over it.
I met a Guyanese woman and after about six months I proposed to her because I thought I couldn’t live without her.
She was caring, smart, pretty, thoughtful, loved to cook, had no problem buying things for me (she didn’t think men should do all the spending) and seemed to anticipate my every need.
Sex was fantastic and unlike some of the Bajan women I was involved in before, she really enjoyed it and made sure I did too.
My problem isn’t one where after she realised we had a future that she started bringing her relatives here because things were rough back home as I’ve heard others complain about, but one which I didn’t see coming.
I’m almost ashamed to write it but since I’ve noticed other men writing you I decided to as well.
Here’s the problem.
In spite of everything I gave my wife-to-be, she started having sex with all the men in the neighbourhood for money.
I found this out when one day I stopped by the shop and these men were talking about this woman and how Bajan women should be as open minded as this chick. They all had her. Not all at the same time but they were comparing notes and saying she was the best $300 they’d ever spent.
At first I didn’t catch on even though they asked me if what they were saying is true. I told them they needed to respect women and stop seeing them as sex objects, at which point they started laughing at me.
The woman from the shop called me one side and told me that when I left for work my fianc?e started to work too. At first I didn’t understand what she was saying but after she explained that my woman came there to buy boxes of condoms, I was so shame man I left the shop hurriedly and headed home.
When I got there, clothes were scattered on the floor all the way to my bedroom and the noises – man I lost it and barged in and dragged the man and woman off her. Would you believe she started hitting me and told me I made her lose out on $500? I didn’t beat her but I threw her out and told her to get a ride with the same couple and go back to where she came from.
She called me ungrateful and said I would never find another woman like her.
She was right about that.
When we met she told me she had a job and her boss didn’t allow personal calls, so always call her cell phone. I thought nothing of it and did just that. Eventually because we were getting married I brought her to live with me, now I regret it.
I have started drinking and I’m trying really hard to stop as it might affect my job and I can’t afford to get fired.
How could one woman be so thoughtless?
When I asked a friend of her’s she told me that’s how she made her living – having sex for money. She was very careful not to call her a prostitute but to me that’s what she is.
Apart from my shame, the only good thing about this is that I found out before we were married.
She saved me thousands of dollars in money for the wedding and the divorce. If I never see her again that will be too soon! — Bewitched
Since Yuh Asked, Bewitched; you need to let go of this episode in your life. Clearly this woman has a totally different value system from you, which does not allow her to see the immorality in what she is doing. To her, it is a job, and no one will convince her otherwise.
For certain she does not attach the same significance to sex that you do. But as you said, you found out before you got married and you should be grateful. So just forget about her and the episode and move on.
This world is made up of all kinds of people and they come in all shapes, sizes and colours, so again I admonish you not to link her conduct to her nationality.
I hope the next time you write it will be to tell Barbados TODAY readers how happy you are in your new relationship; but also keep in mind that life comes with no guarantees, except perhaps death.