My deepest regret

Have you ever done something that you know you will regret instantly?

I’ve found myself in this unfortunate situation and there’s no one who takes me seriously.

When I was in my mid-20s I got pregnant. Not for my boyfriend or someone I was involved with for years, but this guy I wanted to have sex with and did.

It wasn’t the first time we were intimate and we did use contraceptives but I became pregnant. He wanted me to have an abortion but I didn’t, instead opting to listen to my parents, relatives and best friend who gave me the whole spiel about children are a blessing from God and there are several women who can’t get pregnant, I should count myself lucky.

Deep down inside I knew it wasn’t what I wanted and I also knew it was a decision I would regret as the child got older.

Her grandparents adore her, but I don’t. I don’t feel any emotion for this child I carried for nine months, nursed, fed, watched grow, drive to school.

On her first day of school I felt relief when I realised I didn’t have her demanding my attention for a couple hours.

I didn’t feel obligated to attend PTA meetings although I attended form level meetings and others that my parents couldn’t.

Yes, I asked them to go, after all they wanted her.

She is a really sweet child, bright, no trouble whatsoever but I don’t want her in my life.

When I look at her I feel as though she’s stopping me from doing what I really want, which is to go on a world trip and visit all the places I really want to.

I’m not involved with anyone and have no desire to be. I have a great paying job and I would love to just take off without my family making me feel guilty.

I never had any desire to do what I hear the other women at work talking about, such as buying curtains, furniture, or getting married.

I always found a reason not to attend birthday parties or christenings or anything with children. I can only pretend for so long.

I’m in a quandary. I’m really ready to just pack her bags and take her to my parents and head for the airport.

What should I do and don’t tell me seek counselling. — Miss Wanderlust

Since Yuh Asked, MW, Let me say that this is really not about you. Like it or not, whether you wanted to or not, you brought an innocent child into this world and that places on you both a legal and moral obligation to offer her the best that you have, in every respect.

You may want to travel, and you are entitled to, but you first have to take care of your obligations.

What really bothers me though is that, based on the tone of your letter, I find it hard to believe that your daughter would not have picked up on your lack of affection for her and the fact that you consider her to be a burden.

What kind of teenager and adult do you think you are creating? No one forced you to have sex. That was your decision. You can’t blame anyone for the fact that you got pregnant — if you play with fire there is a very good chance you will get burnt!

So snap out of you selfishness and act like an adult and parent. Show some love and affection and when the child is old enough then you can feel free to take your trips around the world.

And by the way — get some counselling. You need it!

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