You’re a man thief

From time to time I read letters and articles in the newspapers about women seeking advice after getting involved with married men.

I just want to say that most of the advice is one-size-fits-all and therefore should not be applicable to each situation.

Fifteen years ago I was involved with a married man. We met, fell in love with each other really hard and after one steamy encounter of the stuff you only read about in books, I promptly decided not to get involved intimately.

It was hard but I did not want to be another bed mate. I felt that was a big mistake and told him so.

I stopped seeing him and even put a limit on the number of times he would call me.

This made matters worse.

Our feelings intensified and recognising what was happening I told him he wasn’t being fair to the three of us.

He really wasn’t happy with her although she seemed like a nice person. I know for a fact she loved his money.

He turned up at my house one day and said he wanted to be with me and would divorce his wife. I told him to come back when he was serious.

He begged me not to turn him away but to believe him. I found it hard to do but and after a couple of weeks, he came to me with the proof.

I didn’t beg him to leave her, I didn’t feel I was being used, lied to or any of those things that women write about. I knew my standards and what I wanted and wasn’t prepared to take anything less. As I said 15 years ago I was involved with a married man, today we’re living happily ever after with no drama.

— Princess

Well Princess, it is good to meet a woman with such high standards, and I am happy for you that your relationship has turned into a lasting, happy marriage.

But if you are so high on principles, you must have asked yourself more than a few times whether or not you contributed to the break up of his first marriage, or whether you were not the primary instigator.

You might have been right that he and his wife were not getting along — but for all your principles, you still slept with him while he was married, and confessed it was so good he had to come back. You baited the hook, threw it in the water and now want to pretend you had nothing to do with the fish being caught, because you did not tell the fish to bite.

Like Pontius Pilate, washing your hands will not absolve you of guilt.

Again your claim of innocence can’t stand up to scrutiny because you set down conditions by which he could come back for more, and one of them was that he first had to leave his wife. My verdict: you might have a happy marriage, but you wrecked one to get one. Your hands are not clean at all.

But that’s water under the bridge. Stay faithful to the sanctity of marriage and hopefully yours will last.


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