Once bitten, twice shy
I must say that I have read with great interest the article written by Adrian Clarke and the response by one of your readers as it relates to how we men are treated by none less than our women.
Let me start by saying up front that I believe some women are natural born liars, and others lie just to get themselves out of a situation, or they do it and turn whatever they are guilty of into a guilt trip on your part. I believe more men need to face this reality before it is to late. My grandmother always told me, if it looks like a dog, walks like a dog, and sounds like a dog, chances are it is a dog.
I have been in a relationship with my present girlfriend for four years now, she has cheated on me twice, at least that I know of. On each of these occasions, when I confronted her I have ended up being blamed for what happened. I know some of you will be saying that I am soft or foolish but when you are totally lost as to why someone whom you have dedicated all your time and energy to would do what they have done to you it leaves you in a state of flux.
The first time I realised she was cheating was with a guy I thought was my friend but later found out he was just an opportunist, I got blamed for not being there enough for her, not connecting with her feelings.
I observed them for a few weeks before I confronted her and when that excuse was given I asked, “so how is he being there for you, how is he connecting with you?’ She obviously denied anything was going on between them, but when I told her the times they had sex in our house and what they did when they were out together she almost turned white with shock.
She asked me to forgive her and how sorry she was. I could tell you I forgave her, but I have never trusted her since that time. She stood and would have bought God down from Heaven that she never slept with him but I had seen it with my own two eyes and now I knew the lengths she would go to in lying to me.
A few weeks ago I noticed she was talking to a guy I have never seen her talking to before and I made nothing of it as I am of the opinion that you should have friends either male or female. I only started to check on this further when one night she went out with this guy and instead of introducing him to me, she just left in a hurry.
When she came back home I said nothing about it to her, just waiting to see if she would say something to me, but she did not. Later that week she told me she was stepping out to go by a friend who just had a baby and that this guy was taking her. I then asked who is this guy and why have I not been introduced? She told me his name and said when he comes she will introduce us.
Do you know about five minutes before she left the house she started to quarrel and accuse me of not trusting her and when I told her I was not comfortable with what was going on, she stormed out of the house and left with the guy.
That night she did not go by her girlfriend as she said because the girlfriend called about an hour after she left and asked for her, and a friend of mine called me shortly after that and told me he saw her going into this house up by him and asked me if I knew the guy that lived there. She spent the night with him and when she came home the next morning she told me she was by her friend. I asked: “Oh, the same one that called for you twice last night?”
That’s when I lost my cool and almost felt like killing her. I was called dog, ungrateful pig, told I was not a man, she was sorry she ever met me. Of course I got the blame for what she did and I pointed out to her if that is what she wanted to do she could leave the house and go with the man – I was not going to stand in her way.
This man that she only now met was of course better for her than I ever was or ever could be. About two weeks after this, I was shown some pictures that were making the rounds on the web and when I saw them I said they looked familiar. Apparently she had posed for him to take pics of her vaginal area after they had sex and he was now showing it to all his buddies. I showed her the pics and she started to cry. I told her this is the man you want to leave me for. I said in fact, this is the little boy you want. Fortunately for her, they are no pics of her face so no one can associate them with her, but I knew it was her because of obvious reasons, after four years you should know what your woman looks like.
I have made up in my mind that I will just let her do what she wants cause in the end women will. All I know is I will never again trust another women. We are still living under the same roof, but she now has to deal with what she has done to us. I have been faithful and committed to her over those years but I think I have to move on but I love her deeply and it hurts to even think about it.
So when women look to blame us men for everything, guys be careful, they just might be hiding something from you and believe me, it pays to be malicious in what they are doing, but do it discreetly.
Since Yuh Ask, TT, just let me say that no matter how bad one person turns out to be, it is not fair to label all as being this way. You are a perfect example: no matter how many men cheat and hurt, you have remained faithful. That is ample evidence that all men are not the same.
Stay true to your values, but don’t be afraid to let your heart do what they were designed to do — love!