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Since yuh asked…

A tangled web…

I have a real big problem and I ain’t sure who else to ask. Right now I real frighten because I know my father will kill me if he find out. When they had the last Cavalcade at the Stadium I was not supposed to go, but I went. I told my dad I was going to music lessons and that afterward we were having a social so I would get home late. He trusted me and he did not say anything.

But I never went to music, I want to the Cavalcade with two friends from school and these two fellows. One of them had a car. During the Cavalcade I left with one of the fellows to go and get something to eat and then we went down Brandon’s Beach and park to eat. It was nice and fun to be out of the confines of my dad, and, as you might guess by now, one thing led to another.

I had sex for the first time. I should have known better and I should have insisted that he use a condom, but I did not. Now I am pregnant… Well at least I have not had a period since then and my body feels different.

What really hurts is that there is no one for me to talk too. I live with my dad, my mother lives in England and she does not communicate with us. I can’t even think about telling my dad, who by the way is a pastor, and I can’t talk to anyone because they will tell him. I am suffering alone and feel sometimes like I would kill myself — not that I want to. I just want someone to tell me what to do.

I have not seen or heard this boy since then, although he was telling me then how nice I was and how he wants to be my boyfriend for life. I feel so stupid, and used, and my dad is going to see me as such as disappointment. Can you tell me where I can get an abortion and how much it will cost, and how it can be done without my dad knowing?

— 17 and In Trouble Big

Since Yuh Ask, 17 AITB, understand that everyone makes mistakes and a mistake is not the end of the world. I am sure your dad made lots of mistakes in his time, and he is probably firm and protective because he does not want you to do the same.

The fact that it was your first sexual encounter suggest that you are not promiscuous and I am sure you father recognises this quality in you. I suspect that his real disappointment will come from the fact that you lied to him.

If there is a family doctor that you attend then I suggest you go speak to him or her, and explain your problem. If the doctor is so inclined he or she might be willing to help you break the news to your dad. If that does not work out then ask the doctor to recommend a colleague who will do a medical termination, then you should have a long discussion with him/her before you make up your mind.

Above all that though, I believe you should manage your fear, sit and tell your dad your problem and ask him to forgive you. He will be mad, but I am sure since it is just you two, he will not throw you to the wolves. His Christian principals will not let him do that.

By the way, that Cavalcade was a while ago, so you need to act quickly.

Let me know how things work out, and good luck.

2 Responses to Since yuh asked…

  1. sandra squires October 11, 2012 at 8:01 pm

    I really believe in the power of pray
    Father God,I thank you that the life of this young lady and her unborn child is very important to you.
    Father in the midst of her seeming confusion please surround her with your peace.send the right counsel to her so that she will make the right decision.Go before her and prepare her father’s heart so that He will see beyond any shame and disappointment and embrace her with love and understanding.
    Father God be very real for this family as the go through this process.Thank you Father for turning around a bad situation and bringing ultimate good for all involved,Thank you Jesus!

  2. Alison Martin October 18, 2012 at 12:58 am

    Hello, it’s a long time since August but I am still wondering how you are and whether you were able to tell your dad about the pregnancy or if you went ahead with an abortion. There are actually a lot of Christian groups and people in Barbados that you can turn to talk about these kinds of things confidentially, but they need to be more advertised. If you would like to talk about what happened, feel free to contact me at or call me on 423 4703. No judgment – you may still need someone to listen or even offer help, even if you went the route of an abortion. God is able to heal and help no matter what.


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