Afraid of feelings

Dear Ask,

I know that some of your readers will find my dilemma funny. I say so because me and my friends have laughed at some of the letters submitted and wondered how the people could air their problems in the public.

I can’t ask any of my friends to help so I’m coming to you.

Here’s my problem.

I’m a single, attractive 36 year old woman with a good paying job. My house is almost done and I have no children.

Recently I’ve been in and out of relationships with men for the past two years, some of whom were nice but were not “the one”. I’ve had sex with only a couple, literally, choosing only those who I thought would last longer than six months but they never did.

Recently on my way home from a business trip in the US I met a woman and we chatted for a while as we were both heading to New York, she lives there.

We realised we had a lot in common and exchanged numbers and she plans to come to Barbados for Crop-Over. If she can’t make it I will head to NY for Labour Day.

We sometimes talk late into the night and one time I was falling asleep and I thought she told me she was falling in love with me so I didn’t respond.

Another night she said it and this time there was no mistaking it. I ended the call the same time and have avoided her calls ever since but the truth is I’m starting to feel the same way about her.

I know this is crazy because I’ve never been attracted to women in my life.

What should I do as I’m beginning to fantasize about her, about us, and its driving me nuts!

I want to tell her how I feel but I’m afraid and at the same time she has made me so happy in the last couple of months even though we’re apart.

I’m seriously thinking about going to NY to see her and have this illicit affair.

Please help because women shouldn’t feel this way about each other.

Pretty Woman


Since Yuh Ask, PW, I have to confess that I might not be the best person to advise you because I am fundamentally opposed to same sex relationships. I do not condemn anyone who chooses such a lifestyle, but I do not believe it is the natural order of things and therefore do not promote it.

Now, having said that, I do believe that it is possible to feel really close to another human being, expressing genuine love, regardless of whether that person is a man or a woman, but like everything in life one must exercise discipline. There must be limits.

I believe that a person can become very emotionally attached to a pet, even loving the animal more than his or her closest friends, but that can’t be an excuse for making love to the pet.

So if you are in a position to cultivate your friendship with your female friend and still keep it natural, then build the friendship. If however, you are proceeding on the basis that this woman will be your lover, then I do not recommend you go further.

I will adapt the world of someone much more famous than I am and put it this way: “I love you as much as a woman could love a woman and still remain a woman.”

But to each his own!

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